


My Werewolf Boyfriend

by GodsHumbleClown



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fae & Fairies, Fantasy, Magic, Modern Era, No Smut, Vampires, Were-Creatures, Werewolves, Wizards
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodsHumbleClown/pseuds/GodsHumbleClown
Summary: The world really doesn't need another heterosexual brooding fantasy novel, now does it?
Comments: 15
Kudos: 9





	1. Intro : The Title is a Lie

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting an original, non fanfic work, so let me know what you think!

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

Not the werewolf part; that’s true. The boyfriend part is a lie. He is not, was not, and will never be my boyfriend. 

Reason 1. I’m not exactly what you’d consider to be entirely heterosexual

Reason 2. I don’t think Rocky (the aforementioned “Boyfriend”) has ever once in his life thought about anything aside from his rock collection, and if he did, it certainly wasn’t about girls. 

Reason 3. The world does not need more brooding heterosexual werewolf novels. 

So me and my best friend weren’t dating, but I knew that title would get at least somebody to pick this up and start reading, and if you've come this far, that means it worked. 

Or maybe you'll put down your screen, book, or futuristic hieroglyph tablet in disgust at my terrible, horrific lies. 

"Quin," you cry. "I expected heteronormativity! Not this disgraceful _friendship_ stuff!" 

And I will not respond, because I am busy talking over you, as I do not care about your homophobia nearly as much as I like the sound of my own voice. 

Rocky’s never been particularly werewolf-ish, by the way. He’s a twig, for one. So goddamn tiny, I could probably snap him in half. 

He’s also pale, like, never-been-out-in-the-sun-in-his-life, human-embodiment-of-literal-milk kind of pale. I could see him _maybe_ being a vampire, though I’m no expert on the vampirical taxonomy. He does like counting things. Specifically rocks. 

Pretty much all Rocky cares about is his rocks, because he is a walking stereotype for nerds everywhere and I love that for him. 

I say, going on and on about his rocks like a geologist on crack. He’s rubbed off on me. Zombies are real and I’m infected. It’s too late for me now, quick, put the book down before you suddenly start caring about calcite. 

Or maybe you'll just start to care about werewolves, if you didn't already. 

That _is_ the point, after all. Werewolves and just about everything else you thought or were told didn't exist, including but not limited to : vampires, faeries, asexual people, and dentists who are not out to steal your teeth for nefarious purposes. 

Buckle up, because I am a terrible driver. 


	2. Josh Bless America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, uh...I dont have an update schedule, in case that wasn't obvious lol.

In the beginning, when Josh created the world, Josh said "let Eric take all his kids to Yellowstone," and Eric took all his kids to Yellowstone. Josh saw that Eric did this, and it was good.

"No reasonable person starts packing this early," I inform Rocky. "We have _days_ to go." 

He wraps a pair of sneakers in a plastic bag and stuffs them in his suitcase. I envy his organization, but not enough to mimic it. 

"Some of us don't enjoy shoving all of our t-shirts in a bag five minutes before walking out the door." He continues to pack his things, and I wonder why I came over to help, if he doesn't seem to particularly want any assistance. 

"You probably won't need that many socks for a one week family vacation."

Despite Eric not being my father, family vacations have always included me. It also includes Josh, because Josh, despite being an eight inch smurf filled with beans, is a part of the family. 

If only I could be so lucky. I am simply a part of the family, not a bean to be seen, inside or out. 

"I need as many socks as I need."

Every family needs a smurf filled with beans. Absolutely vital to the health and wellness of all the stray children Eric is oh-so-fond of picking up and claiming as his own.

Josh the smurf is a good friend because he is very throwable, and Rocky is a good friend because he doesn't hate you for throwing Josh-who-is-a-smurf at him. 

"Imagine changing your socks." The skinniest child in the universe invades the bedroom, flops onto Rocky's bed, and kicks her feet up against the wall. The socks she refers to are purple and fuzzy, with cat ears stitched on. 

"Couldn't be me." 

Anita points her toes dramatically, a perfect example of why she made such a headache of herself at dance class. Perfect feet, but she's upside down and also chewing on her shirt. 

"Consider:" Rocky points his travel toothbrush at his sister. "It should be you." 

Middle school has done wonders for Anita's snarkiness, and I could not be prouder. 

Rocky doesn't stand a chance against his sister in a battle of wits, not because he's stupid, because he isn't, but because he is a perfect example of a total pushover. 

"I love you, Rocky." She blinks her big brown eyes at him "You're my favorite brother ever."

"What about Andy?" 

Anita flips from her back to her stomach, kicking me in the ribs in the process. Bones shatter, but as I am strong as seventeen oxen, I only flail _somewhat_ dramatically. Recognizing my incredible durability, Rocky only rolls his eyes a little bit. 

"Andy's always at work now," Anita whines. "He can't help me with Padme anymore." 

Padme is Anita's beloved hamster, and she is evil. 

"I'm not touching it," Rocky declares, folding up another pair of pants and _placing_ it _gently_ into his bag. "Mean little rodent."

"Padme is _my child_!" Anita aims an impressive battemant to the side of Rocky's head. 

Ballet terms are incredibly weird, by the way. Battemant sounds like it should be some kind of medieval architecture, but it's actually a fancy and very difficult kind of kick. I say difficult because I cannot do it, but that might have more to do with me having the balance of a baby giraffe than it does to the battemant being actually challenging.

I wouldn't know, Anita is the dancer and also the constant pain in her instructor's ass, though I am also a pain in Miss Jamie's ass whenever we happen to see one another at Anita's performances or lessons. 

Padme the hamster is also a pain in the ass. 

"Is your gran still watching Padme while we're gone?" 

"Affirmative," I holler in Rocky's general direction, but he's journeyed deep into his closet now, possibly never to be seen again. 

Gran always hamster-sits when we go away on these trips. For some reason she _likes_ the little shit, which might have to do with her being my legal guardian or something. Liking terrible little gremlin creatures comes with the territory of being responsible for the problem that is Me. 

"I'm so excited!" Anita's entire personality switches over to Happy-Go-Lucky in an instant, and she starts bouncing on the bed. Anita starts asking me, am I excited and what am I most excited for, and can we read another book together this year, and also how long do I think it'll take for Andy to get into a fight with either Rocky or Eric, and how long until they make up after that, and did she ask if I was excited yet?

I am, in fact, very excited to go on another road trip. So excited that I accidentally on purpose throw Josh the smurf at Rocky's spine, a hit that would have killed him instantly if not for the fact that he's used to it. 

Josh bless America. 


End file.
